I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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