She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
