i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
