You're completely useless in the revolution.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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