I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
