I'm gonna have a badass scar
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
