Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
