im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
