he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
