My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
