I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just high enough for therapy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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