Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
