this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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