I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
