after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I currently don't understand fingers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
