i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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