there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize