I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
