You're so nebulous sometimes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
