toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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