i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
