I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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