Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
