So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
