it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
