Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
