you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
