I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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