I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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