Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
