i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
