There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had to coat check the pizza.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
