It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
