I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
