it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
