I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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