I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
