i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
