Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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