So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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