i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
