Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
