You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize