your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
