i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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