i already hear my dad disowning me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize