So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
