I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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