Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize