Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
