Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
