I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize