I need help removing her.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
