She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You made out with two different species that night
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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