Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
