Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
