Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
