perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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