Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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