I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
did i just pee glitter
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
