The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
