Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
