The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
