Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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