Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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