Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
