Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
