she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
