Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will be naked everywhere
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He better not be in your backpack
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
