If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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