We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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