break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
