Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
