I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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