i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
