oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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