cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
