Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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