Kiss
Puke
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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