Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
