But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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