Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
