apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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