last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
