I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
